


A Very Fake Christmas

by QueenCoeurl



Series: Prompts, One-Offs, and Gifts [3]
Category: Grand Theft Auto V, Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Christmas, Christmas Fluff, FAHC, Fake AH Crew, Fluff, Gen, Gift Fic, Gift Giving, Mild Language, Secret Santa, Trans Jack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2016-12-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 10:20:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9067510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenCoeurl/pseuds/QueenCoeurl
Summary: RT Secret Santa Gift 2016 for ryanthedietcokeguy over on tumblr!Prompt was "Christmas"
Gavin doesn’t know what to buy as a Secret Santa gift for Ryan





	

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to read whatever relationships you want in this.

 

  Gavin drummed his fingers on the passenger side windowsill as he idly watched Los Santos blur past.

  Michael looked away from the road to look at his best friend. The Golden Boy was fully adorned true to his nickname. Gold chains, rings, expensive designer clothes, and those fucking golden shades.

  “The fuck’s wrong?” Michael asked maybe a little too roughly, as he eased his chrome Adder into the next lane.

  “Huh?” Gavin blinked and turned to Michael.

  Michael’s eyes were back on the road. His signature leather jacket was hung over the back of his seat. It may have been late December, but today was surprisingly warm, and the jacket wasn’t needed.

  “You’re never this quiet unless something’s wrong.” Michael explained.

  “Yeah.” Gavin agreed.

  “And…?” Michael urged him to spill the beans.

  Gavin shifted in his seat, “We’re not supposed to talk about it.”

  Michael exhaled and shook his head, “This is about our Secret Santa arrangement this year, isn’t it? Don’t tell me you haven’t gotten your gift yet?!” He would honestly be more surprised if Gavin HAD gotten his gift already.

  “Well I don’t bloody know what to get!” Gavin protested, “I wish it was you, or Lindsay, or Geoff, or anyone! Not _him._ How am I supposed to know what he _wants_? Nothing I can buy, I bet.”

  “You got Ryan, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I bloody got Ryan, the pap. He probably wants someone’s head on a pike, and how am I supposed to come close to somethin’ like that?!” Gavin threw up his hands, “And I can’t get him something that I’d like, because he thinks my stuff is all stupid!”

  “He likes computers and shit.” Michael suggested, “Or weapons.”

  “There’s no gun or knife I could possibly buy that he hasn’t have already, and if I buy him a computer he’ll only yell at me that it isn’t the ‘right’ one.” Gavin crossed his arms and pouted, “He doesn’t _need_ another bloody computer either.”

  “Gift card?” Michael tried.

  “To where?!” Gavin shouted the question, “A grocery store? All I know is that he probably buys his own food – he has to at some point. Does he even listen to music? What the hell does he do when he’s not with us or the crew?!”

  Michael shrugged a shoulder, “I don’t know man, but we probably don’t wanna know.”

  “That doesn’t help me!”

  “Buy him face paint?” Michael joked.

  Gavin glared at him, “Yeah, sure, and have him be a mingy prick if it turns out that it smudges or doesn’t wash out properly.”

  “I can stop at a Zephora and you can go ask a clerk what stuff is best.” Michael grinned at the thought of Gavin trying to explain the situation to a poor salesperson.

  “Oi, miss, do you have make up that can be used as face paint? Not blush or highlighter, just pure _white._ ” Gavin played out the interaction, “And it has to be somethin’ that will last under a mask. Gonna need some black and bright red too – no not lipstick, _paint._ ”

  “He hasn’t been using red with his most recent design.” Michael pointed out.

  “Whatever, he said he might switch back at some point.” Gavin responded.

  Michael chuckled, and turned into the small parking lot in front of an Ammunation, “Do you think Ammunation has gift cards?”

  “Honestly, at this point, I hope so.”

 

~*~

 

  Christmas carols filled the penthouse and the smell of cooking food drifted through the air, as the Fake AH Crew gathered for their annual Christmas celebration at Geoff’s place.

  As per usual, the whole place was decked out with garlands, sparkling ornaments, and glimmering lights. A large tree was set up in the living room, decorated with lavish ribbons and glass ornaments.

  In almost striking contrast to everything else, the tree was topped with an upturned beer bottle.

  After their first Crew Christmas together 7 years back, they had learned that gifts needed to be done before the meal. After everyone was fed and drunk, things turned boisterous, with some guests passing out almost immediately.

  It made gift giving more difficult and harder to appreciate. So Jack had declared that gifts be exchanged first. That way proper thanks and reactions could be had.

 

  The crew was gathered in the living room area by the large L-shaped sectional couch Geoff had.

  “Everyone have their gifts?” Lindsay looked around at all of them.

  Jack wore an elf-eared Santa hat, garish sweater, and jingling elf shoes. She flopped onto the couch and kicked her feet up, lifting a small sparkling gift bag, “For you my dear!” She smiled at Lindsay.

  Lindsay beamed as she took the small bag, then held up a tall gift bag of her own, “I had you, Geoff!” her sequined Christmas sweater out-sparkled even the tree.

  “Jackpot.” Geoff chuckled and gently grabbed the gift. He wore his customary suit, but had switched out his bowtie for a green one with a candy cane print.

  Jeremy wore a hideous holly and gingerbread man patterned cowboy hat. His usual purple and orange motif now switched to green and red. He pulled a flattened box from behind his back, “Sorry my cats sat on it, Michael, but it won’t be damaged.”

  Michael laughed. His own outfit was fairly muted compared to most everyone else. Jeans and a black and white snowflake patterned sweater. In his hands was a medium sized box.

  “Yo, Jack-attack.” Michael smiled, and held out the box, “For you.”

  Jack accepted with a curious smile and a jingle of her shoes.

  “Hey, Lil’ J.” Geoff grabbed Jeremy’s attention, “I had you.” He revealed a gift box professionally wrapped with a large bow.

  “Nice!” Jeremy exclaimed.

  “That leaves me and you, Ry.” Gavin hesitantly smiled and approached the Vagabond. Gavin’s sweater had a Christmas tree with working lights that brightly flashed on and off.

  Ryan couldn’t stop himself from squinting, “Is your gift, the gift of blindness?” he chuckled and fished around in his seasonal hoodie for the gift he had got Gavin. The hoodie was mostly blue and white, displaying a minimalist snow covered forest and a lone deer.

  Gavin gave Ryan the messily wrapped box, and took the small box Ryan gave him in return. Ryan’s gift was wrapped like a parcel: brown paper and string. It made Gavin feel far better about his own botched wrapping job.

  “Alright, who wants to go first?” Lindsay held her gift tight and looked the room over with bright eyes.

  “I say Lil’ J. It’s his first Christmas with the crew.” Gavin suggested to muttered agreement.

  Jeremy blushed and began to excitedly tear into the wrapping paper. Inside was a wooden box and he gasped as he recognised what the gift was, “Cubans!” he exclaimed with a wide grin, “Thank you Geoff! I’ve never had this brand before, it must have been expensive – you didn’t have to.”

  Geoff nonchalantly shrugged, “Meh.” However, his smile betrayed his true feelings on the matter, “I heard they were good, and thought you could appreciate them.”

  Jeremy cracked the lid open and blissfully took in the scent of the rolled tobacco leaves, “Mmhmm.” He agreed.

  “Ok, let’s go clock-wise – Michael, you next!” Lindsay urged Michael to go.

  Michael peeled the wrapping paper off of Jeremy’s gift. Slipping the top off of the box inside, he pulled out the gift. He held it up and broke into a cackle at the sweater Jeremy had found him.

  In large knitted letters that filled the whole front of the sweater were the words, “BEAST COAST BASTARD” loudly proclaimed for all to see.

  “I saw it and thought of you immediately.” Jeremy chuckled.

  Michael was still laughing, “I fucking love it.” He held out his fist for Jeremy to bump, “Beast coast border patrol!”

  “Beast coast border patrol!” Jeremy met his fist.

  Lindsay was sat next to Michael, so she opened up her gift without hesitation. She pulled out a slip of paper, gasped, and hugged it to her chest, “Oh Jack, you shouldn’t have!”

  Jack was visibly delighted, “Full spa day for you and a friend! You deserve it, after having to herd cats day in and out.”

  “Good thing I love cats then.” Lindsay winked.

  “Probably more like herding wasps.” Ryan muttered with a laugh.

  Jeremy overheard and snickered in response.

  “Alright, what did Michael get me?” Jack held the box up to her ear. She gave it a light shake, but heard nothing that could betray what was inside. So she began to rip the wrapping free, and smiled brightly upon revealing enough to see what it was, “Michael!”

  Michael laughed, “I was hoping you didn’t have it already.”

  Jack removed the last of the paper to show the room her gift. It was a Collector’s Edition Boxed Set of the _Spectrebusters_ series with concept art and soundtracks, “I was looking for one of these _everywhere_! How did you find one?”

  Michael shrugged, “I know a guy.”

  “Man, you need to introduce me, because this is incredible…’ She hugged the box, “Thank you so much!”

  “Alright, you can suck his dick later. Now what did I get?” Geoff pulled some tissue paper out of the top of his gift bag. By the weight and shape, he would guess it was alcohol, but it was always exciting to see what kind.

  He was right in his assumption that it was booze. A large smile grew beneath his moustache as he read the label, “Damn, Lindsay. This is good stuff!”

  “I had to do a bit of research and asking around, so I’m really glad it’s actually good.” Lindsay admitted.

  Geoff turned the whiskey over in his hands, “Oh yeah. Single malt, scotch oak, and well-aged – this is something for a seriously special occasion.”

  Gavin tensed as he saw that it was Ryan’s turn next.

  Ryan remained quiet as he looked the wrapping over for an easy location to start. Finding an un-taped edge, he stuck his nail in and began to tear it open.

  “Use enough tape, Gav?” Jeremy laughed as Ryan worked to get at his gift.

  Gavin turned pink, “I did my best, alright?”

  That elicited a few laughs.

  Like peeling an orange, Ryan finally managed to remove most of the paper and expose the gift. Ryan looked at it with a small smirk and a gentle huff of amusement.

  Gavin wrung his hands waiting for the man to say something.

  Ryan held up the gift for everyone to see.

  Geoff broke into howling laughter.

  “What the fuck, Gavin?! Really?!” Michael shouted.

  Pink turned red, “I don’t bloody know!” Gavin turned to Ryan, “You like puzzles and shite, doing things with your hands...”

  “Yeah, things like _murder_.” Jeremy commented.

  Ryan opened the packaging and pulled out the Rubik’s Dodecahedron puzzle Gavin had given him, “You do know what they say about idle hands…” He said with light menace, before chuckling, “Thank you, Gavin. It will be great the next time we need to stake out a place.” He gave Gavin a friendly and genuine smile.

  Relief flooded through Gavin, “Just s’long as you keep your eyes where they need to be.” He replied with forced cockiness.

  Ryan nodded and then motioned to the gift he had given Gavin, “Your turn.”

  Gavin undid the string and began in on the paper. Inside was a small, plain, unmarked box, “Oi, this ain’t somebody’s ear or finger, is it?” he speculated.

  Ryan made a noise of uncertainty, “I _may_ have thought about it, but then I realised Geoff would have my ass if you puked on his floor.”

  “Damn right I would.” Geoff confirmed.

  Gavin pried the top of the box open and dumped the contents onto his hand. Bundled within cotton-like protective stuffing was a pair of golden brass knuckles. Each golden knuckle was topped with a vicious spike.

  Gavin untangled the stuffing from the spikes and looked the knuckles over with his mouth partially open.

  “I know you’re not much of a brawler, but I figured that with those even you could cause some serious damage.” Ryan felt like he needed to explain his reasoning at Gavin’s lack of verbal response, “They’re only gold plated, because solid gold would only break after the first use, but I figured they were gold _enough_.” He began to ramble, “And it won’t really matter where you hit someone with those, you could probably go through Kevlar and-”

  “I love them!” Gavin interrupted Ryan’s nervous rambling, “Thank you, Rye-bread!” he slipped them over his fingers and gave a few test punches, “Oh yeah, these are nice.”

  Geoff leaned over to Jack, “How long until those end up lodged in one of us?”

  Jack chuckled, “Come on Geoffrey.” She scolded.

  “Don’t put them in a back pocket and then sit your fat ass on them.” Michael warned Gavin.

  “Micool…” Gavin whined at him.

  Geoff clapped his hands together to get all their attention, “All right, idiots. Let’s go eat and drink until we pass out!” he gave Gavin a pointed look, “And remember, no weapons at the table!”


End file.
